One Wacky Week
by Sonicthehero5602
Summary: Shadow, as we all know, is at all times composed and in control.  Except, of course, for when he is exposed to, shall we say, certain substances?  There was that one time, back in Metropolis.


The world shifted around me, colors blending into indescribable shades. Sounds swirled out of corners, looking like people laughing as they ran along the ceilings. Birds flew upside-down, and energy seemed to flare across the rippling universe. My body growing numb, I saw myself watching in amazement as the streets undulated, concrete contorting into incredible shapes. Serenity and wonder displayed itself on my face as I observed all of this…

Then, the entire world went black, and I fell into oblivion.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

It started as a normal day in Mobius, tranquil and serene, the birds singing and the winds blowing.

Oh, yeah, and Eggman trying to blow us to shit again.

Damn, I get so sick of that guy.

But whatever.

So I was sitting on a bench, just relaxing, when I heard the doc over a loudspeaker. I slapped my face and got up, stretching my limbs. Then, a dash and flash away, I zipped up to our resident nutcase and casually leaned on his robo-friend, this one a giant rocket-launcher type thing.

"Hey, Eggsy, whatcha doing now?" I asked lazily, weaving slightly back and forth.

"Shadow!" He said, clearly shocked. "What are you doing here? I thought you were- uh, never mind, erm…"

"Y'know, for a genius you ain't too bright. I don't get poisoned well. Must be the whole ULTIMATE CREATURE thing you missed. Besides that, chemicals react differently in HEDGEHOGS than HUMANS, dumbshit."

I suppose I should explain that he had tried to spike my coffee with arsenic. And for you who don't know, I swill coffee like a funnel. Unfortunately for both of us, it doesn't kill me. Why is it unfortunate for me? Because it just makes me stoned as shit.

"Now then. Are you gonna run home to momma or am I gonna have to feed you this robot? In one piece."

"Ok, ok, calm down-"

"Man I am calm as shit, man I am calm like you don't even know! So get your fat ass outta here before I run all over it and slingshot you halfway to Jupiter."

"Ok Shadow, you win. Just, just stay cool, ok? Don't do anything rash, please."

At that point, my shit-for-brains twin showed up in his normal gay-pride fashion.

"Heyy, Eggy, how's it hangin'?"

"Ah, Sonic, yes, I was just, erm, going back to my hideout. Why don't you two chat and catch up? I, uh, I'll just zip out here…"

Which he did, blasting away like a bitch with his tail between what should have been balls. Then Mr. Dibshit, not realizing I was baked beyond belief, (Heh, say that ten times fast) gave me a quizzical look.

"Hey Shadow, what's up with the doc? He usually has to get his butt kicked before he scampers off."

"Yea, but this time he faced something he'd never faced before. Neither have you, if I recall."

"What's that?" he asked curiously.

I gave the faggot a deluxe Shadow punch right in the face, launching him through three buildings and digging a small crater in the street. I leapt down lightly and patted him on the cheek.

"Me, stoned as shit and high as a kite. Seeya, bitchweed!"

I dashed away, zigging and zagging through anything in my path, too far in Lala land to give a rat's ass.

Of course, he decides to follow me.

A valuable lesson to you all: If someone just casually punched you through a few buildings, it is normally a bad idea to follow them.

But that's common sense, something our blue bastard lacks.

He races up next to me, blathering on about something or another. I just swatted him back to those broken buildings and wondered if I should get drunk as well as high.

Would you believe the retard tried it again? Goddamn, you'd think he didn't have a single brain cell in his head!

He keeps bugging me, so finally I turn to the annoying rat.

"What will it take for you to leave me the fuck alone? I'd like to enjoy my stoned attitude for a few more hours, thanks."

"Hah! You'd have to kiss me, you damn fool!"

At this point, I was reaching the climax of my daze, and I was basically ready to do anything. So, to the complete astonishment of my sexually questionable friend, I gave him a smacker right on the lips.

So what? I was high. Leave me alone.

Sheesh.

So as I was saying, he reels back, shocked and disturbed. While he was staring, I gave him a knee to his family jewels (if he had any, that is) and zipped off while he keeled over. For a few seconds, I was pleased with myself.

Then I forgot what had happened, ran through a tree, and went dashing into a lake.

Next thing I know, I'm face down in a pile of dirt in the middle of nowhere, with a massive headache and a sore… well, suffice it to say I was sore.


End file.
